I frequently have ups and downs in my emotional state, but really for the past 4 years the downs have outweighed the ups. I have struggled spiritually during this time starting with when I left ministry due to personal sin. I just don't know how long I can fake joy in front of my family any more. I am scared for them and the future employment for me. So much is going on even though my wife and I both have good jobs and have not went without a paycheck during this time expenses have risen don't know if we will survive this period we are paycheck to paycheck right now 1 emergency could ruin us and we would lose everything can't afford to go to counseling besides it takes several months to get an appointment just so much going on. Need prayers for restoration of my faith in God.