Wallflower | Julie

In Blog, Julie by Josh

I am a wallflower. I am an introvert. I find social situations exhausting and sometimes even describe them as “traumatizing.” My comfort zone is at home with my family.

I fought it for a long time. Trying to make myself an extrovert. Trying to be someone that everyone loves. Trying to be that person that you never forget. It didn’t work. And it was “traumatizing.” And now, I’m ok with that. I even embrace it. I don’t dress flashy. I usually don’t wear make-up. I try not to draw attention to myself. There is something comforting about being anonymous and invisible.

I am comfortable with who I am. Most of the time.

Recently I attended a work conference where quite a bit of networking was going on, which is obviously not my strength. I had met many of the attendees in years past and a few remembered me. But most, did not. I’m talking about people I’ve shared meals with, not remembering me. Sometimes it seemed that I was actually invisible. I could be standing right beside a co-worker who was being fawned over and I wouldn’t even get a glance. While other times, the introductions happened again and again. I literally met the same guy three times in less than an hour. I obviously made an impression.

But I am comfortable with who I am. And I don’t really care if these strangers/acquaintances find me worthy of remembering. But there is something about being in that situation over and over again that starts to chip away at my self confidence. I start to forget who I am and whose I am. I start to think that God too will forget me. That I am not enough for Him either. That I must be more. Smart. Witty. Pretty. Skinny. Etc. That who I am is not worthy of His attention. That I have nothing to offer.

But Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

You and I, we are designed by God. When God made us, He crafted us with the unique abilities to do the jobs He has called us to do. Who are we to question that!?! And the truth is that none of us can do it alone. Not you, not me, no one. Whatever talents we are blessed with, we can never accomplish anything for the Lord apart from Him.

John 15:4-5 says “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. That it’s not about me. And it’s not about my skills. And it’s not about anyone else and their skills either. It’s about Him. And with Him, we are enough.